in a world where everything is toxic; our food, our government, our parents; and our jobs. Just add me to the list! And all the other hair salon owners too.
Honestly I have explored this narrative quite a bit; to a point that even my friends and family think I am "catastraphizing" the term.
Listen, I can confidently tell you I am not toxic. I sleep at night just fine, on my side with the fan on, and as long as I have a little weed; I sleep like a baby.
That being said, this may be the last time I dive deep into this topic, mostly because I feel at peace about it.
I explored the word, I explored others takes, I even explored the idea of me being toxic with my current staff, friends, and family. And if you know me, I do not surround myself with yes men. I like reality and I like it to punch me in the face directly, so I can live my life most authentically and most productively. So here's what I learned.
People divert like a motherfucker
Many times it's not the place, or the person thats suddenly toxic. Its you.
Take a deep breath, it's ok cause this applies to everyone. Me included.
I have been in so many different salons, commission, rental, and I even owned a suite. And guess what, all of my actions and decisions directly affected me and my environment.
No matter how much I wanted to believe that the client, the boss, or the coworker was at fault. It took me a little faster than some to realize I have to own my own shit if I want the life I want. And thats another blog in itself; but people who dont want to own their own decisions "make" other place, people, and things "toxic." So they can move on and say "see I told you I had to leave.." Or whatever it is they are trying to justify.
Birds of a feather
I've done this; and I catch myself at times doing this. Gathering people to back up my claims.
Let's say I am on a budget, but I want to spend $200 on sunglasses that I don't need. I am not going to ask my husband to support this decision. He is just gonna say "do you need more sunglasses?" No, I don't.
But I will text my friend who I know always says "treat yourself" so I feel supported in my decision to ruin my monthly budget, because I do deserve it.
It's the same with people and situations. They gather folks who also share their beliefs; and in my case, share the belief that I am toxic.
These people are folks that I fired, or they quit because I held them accountable to their job or schedule and they didn't like that. But I am not your mom, I am not your partner; I am your boss.
So if you keep missing work on Tuesdays, and I say "ok you just can't work Tuesdays anymore." You are not 'casually disrespected" what you are is, not available on Tuesdays. But you best believe this is the person that is going to agree with you that I as a salon owner am "toxic."
Which funnier story is these people didn't even like each other or get along, until they had a common enemy. It's me, the salon owner. The same girl I had to fire because for 8 weeks she was late to work, would clock in late then sit in the back for 20 more minutes to do her makeup made a 1 year post of being fired about how toxic I am... is the same girl that comments "so proud of you boss babe" on my former employee who tried to make a walk out happen; even though it was that employee who brought the lates and the make up to my attention to then have this girl fired.
These people will make you question yourself, and good you should always question yourself. Thats how you grow.
But, I am toxic.
Everyone is going to leave you
Some advice I received from my good friend Daniel, an amazing millionaire salon owner, was that "this isn't for the weak, and at some point everyone's going to leave you. It's ok, its human nature, just don't take it personal."
And thats the longest standing advice I have ever adhered to.
It does nothing for my abandonment issues, but it is true.
Whether they move away, change their lives, open their own salon, or just want to try something new. Everyone leaves. Thats ok.
This is business, and as long as you can look yourself in the eye, smile, and know your intentions are good this is just business you will be ok.
My intentions are. I love what I do, the bright spots and the good people HEAVILY out weigh the asshole moments that now give me something to look back and laugh at.
The average amount of time spent in one salon for the average stylist is 2 years, the trigger that made me explore this entire toxic narrative - was her two year mark anyway.
So math is math, and business is business. And no matter what, it always works out - some times it even gets better!
dive deep into my "I am a Toxic Salon Owner" podcast episode with me and Maggie, my salon Coordinator who always keeps it real and keeps me in full communication: